Does anyone know how hard this is?

It's not that I want a "pity party". I just need a little understanding right now.

I started a diet on Monday. It's one I've never done before since I'd already tried all that and it hasn't worked. It's Jenny Craig and, if you don't know anything about that diet, one way to do it is to eat only their packaged food. I chose that option and I also chose to have them choose all my meals. I was just to the point where I wanted to be told, "Here! Eat this! And, eat it at this time."

I don't have to measure, think, or even plan.

Anyway, the food is surprisingly tasty! But, there's just so little of it. And, it is hard not to eat any of the food already in the house. It also seems like EVERY billboard or sign or commercial is about food.

I asked my family to help me out for awhile by cooking all their meals themselves and everyone is taking turns doing that. I appreciate it so much. Thanks. Tonight Matt cooked Thai food (whimper) with peanut sauce (gasp).


And here is what I had:



I survived and I keep dreaming of being thinner. But, with my workouts and this diet I'm hopeful it won't just be a dream. :}

Quote for the day:
"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen."
Frank Lloyd Wright

My mom likes my blog!

Thanks, Mom, for letting me know you had read and liked my blog. It made me feel great. As you said, it lets you know some of our day to day activities. I wish you could be here to experience them with us.

All of my kids (and grandkids) are in El Paso right now. It's so great. Matt and Mir arrived Tuesday late at night with their moving truck. Last night with all the brothers, Dad, and 7 men from their new ward helping, they got everything moved into the new apartment. But, since there's still a little work to do on the apartment, we get to have them stay with us a few days. This is when I really appreciate having a big enough house to keep everyone with us.

We spend each night playing games and talking and staying up to all hours. Our sleep schedule is suffering, but it's worth it.

Nerf Wars & Persistence

Instead of having a Family Home Evening where we set personal and family goals, we had Nerf Wars. When we can find Nerf guns at a cheap enough price, we buy them in bulk. They always, eventually, break or lose enough bullets that we have to buy more. And, we have bought a lot of Nerf guns over the years. Starting out with five boys made "wars" inevitable. We've had shave cream wars, canned whip cream wars, rubber band/spit wad wars, and lots of Nerf wars. Now that we have mostly girls at home there are fewer wars, but the ones we have are deadly.

That's a new thing I've discovered about the difference between boys and girls. The boys understood that there are rules to war: each side has a fort, or area of their own, and although you may "risk your life" to retrieve bullets from the other side, you stay and shoot from your own area. Girls don't seem to get that. Also, the girls will get right in your face to shoot. (I'm sorry I didn't take a picture of myself with a bullet stuck to my glasses' lens.) Maybe that's because, since boys will play guns with a stick if that's all they have, they are taught from an early age about gun etiquette. Anyway, last night's game was fun and everyone had a good time. Even one of our older boys joined us with his two sons. We'll have to try it again soon once Matt and his family arrive. They are moving here and will be here tomorrow. We'll give them a couple of days to rest up before the battle.

So, as I mentioned, we didn't set our New Year's goals as I had planned. I also didn't get the office clean and all bills paid, but I got a start. And, I did sign up with a weight loss program and I'm committed to losing 40 pounds instead of 30. All in all, I'm moving in the right direction. Oh, and I have been reading the scriptures more. I would like to say I've been kinder, but the other participants in the Nerf War would disagree.

Here's my quote for the day: "Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." Winston Churchill

Things I want to do today; things I want to do this year.

Aren't New Year's Resolutions fun? There's the possibility that, with a fresh start, one can become a whole new person. Well, here are my short term and long term goals to become a new person:



I want to clean this office today and pay any bills that are still lurking about.

I want to sit down with my family and make resolutions for our family and for individuals.

My long-term personal goals are: Study the scriptures daily

Exercize daily

Eat better, eat no sugar

Lose 30 pounds

Treat Everyone more kindly and with more patience (a recurring goal)

Get to know everyone in my ward better, and,

Become friends with someone.

Oh yeah, and post more than 8 times a year.

Another milestone in our lives

Yesterday our oldest daughter turned 18. All week as I have thought about her birthday, I have also been thinking how quickly she will be leaving. Another few months and she will be away at college. That, and maybe the new medicine I'm on, has made me a little melancholy. I can actually feel the apron strings in my heart being pulled to the breaking point.

I guess I got used to boys leaving, but now our first girl will soon leave the nest. I almost can't bear to think about when the girls were little. It was such a precious time. I think girls are easier than boys when they are young and having four young daughters was magical. Now, all but the youngest are teenagers and I can see her growing up right before my eyes.

Of course, I 'm glad that they are maturing and progressing. I wouldn't have it any other way. Only it's bittersweet.

Finding a little "peace" of heaven

My husband and I were sitting in the living room of our house this morning. We had spent a terribly stressful night with a child (our exchange student) in the emergency room. All morning we had talked to each other and others involved in the exchange program of all that had happened. We had little sleep and further worries to tire us. Then my husband made a simple comment. "This is a lovely room." I looked where he was looking and began to see not only the lovely objects, but the serenity of the room.


I remember in planning the house that it had been my desire to create a Celestial room for our home. I tried to choose soothing colors and objects to that end. My husband purposely added a stained glass that is found in the Celestial room of the Nauvoo Temple and I unwittingly chose a chandelier almost identical to the one in the baptistry of the Cuidad Juarez Temple.





As I looked about the room serenity and peace began to replace the stress, anger, and confusion I felt. It impressed me that our surroundings do indeed affect our mood and state of mind. I was grateful to have such a room in our home and that the clutter present to some degree in every other room of our house is absent in our Celestial living room.

Why I'm boiling mad

I usually don't write about when I'm upset, because I don't think it will be very good reading for anyone else, but today I need to vent.

Yesterday, Bill and I had an interview with the liason couple for our foreign exchange student.
That is why I am P.O.'d. First, I mentioned that I had had a hectic day and asked the woman how her day was, if it was busy. She replied in an arch tone, "Yes, I work ALL day long." In other words she is employed and feels that she works harder than a stay-at-home mom. Okay, I can be big. I let that pass and asked about her work. But it got worse.

This couple had taken Marion out to see a rodeo last month and talked with her. Marion had also gone to a sort of camp out at Ruidoso last month. I told Marion if she had any complaints and wasn't comfortable telling us, to tell the AFS people.

At first the couple just asked us how things were going and we said "Great!"; Marion is a jewel-a darling girl. But, we told them we thought she was experiencing depression lately and it was to be expected as the handbook told us there would be peaks and valleys and she was in a valley. We told them we had invited our daughter's boyfriend over to cheer her up, as he has become a friend. He brought another boy with him who came over to ask Marion to the homecoming dance, and Marion was very excited about that.

Then they began telling us of things that Marion had told them she was not happy about. One was religion. Our practicing our religion makes her uncomfortable. She doesn't believe in God. We were confused by that because we not only didn't force her to participate in family prayer, scripture study, family home evening, or church; we don't even ASK her. Sometimes she has been in the room and when we invited everyone to join us she came but didn't kneel or close her eyes. We were fine with that. Anyway, I told her after we came back, that she was not obligated to do even that, that she could simply leave the room.

Next: She is bored. She doesn't want to stay in her room and do nothing. Okay, well, I have told her she needs to extend herself and make friends. We are pretty boring, but when we do anything, we invite her. Sometimes she comes, sometimes she doesn't. What I tell my children is that, "Only boring people are bored. Find something to do." I haven't told her that. I know it's hard being in a strange country and not really having friends. I've actually been there and done that. But, like I said, you have to reach out. No one is going to do it for you.

Finally, at home she was used to family meals every night. She has a point. We always sit down together on Sunday, but during the week I average 3-4 nights of home cooked meals and we sit down to those, but the rest are either take-out or restaurants. With volleyball games two and three times a week, I find it hard to cook everynight. I would like to do better and plan ahead.

So, the reason why I'm boiling mad is not that Marion had complaints. I am glad she confided in someone and we can try to make some changes to help her and encourage her to help herself in making friends. The reason is the patronization of the woman liason. She told me, "I know when our (two) children were younger (they're both grown and gone from home) it was busy, but I always made sure we had dinner together. I had to leave abruptly to pick Chelsea and her friend up from volleyball practice, so I said, "You know, I want to make this work, but if Marion is too unhappy, maybe she would be better off placed with a non-religious family who do more fun things."

I felt like crying when I left. How dare this woman-who had TWO children- make judgements about my life. She has no idea what it is to mother six children, much less nine children, three daughter-in-laws, four grandchildren, two dogs and a husband who works all the time. I felt like crying last night, but I'm angry today.

I know I need to forgive this lady. She was trying to do her "job", and just had certain prejudices about SAHM's. I can accept that. I just hate the intrusive part of having a foreign exchange student. It started before she came and I almost backed out because of it, but I decided to stick it out. She's wonderful and we are very happy to have her in our family. Every family has issues they have to work out and I believe we can do this. But, the idea of meeting with this liason couple every month sticks in my craw.