Feminism and Motherhood: Can they peacefully co-exist?

Live and let live!
Respect and RELISH differences!
That is my philosophy.

I re-read Julie B. Beck's talk entitled "Mothers Who Know". It made me feel guilty, but I recognize truth when I read it. My darling daughter-in-law, Emme, wrote an excellent post about the topic of motherhood and feminism and how distored the world's view has become on the subject with reference to this talk. Then there were some excellent comments and as I wrote my comment it turned out to be a page and a half long. I realized that I just needed to make a post of my own.

My son, Mike, always says that I am a feminist. I am to some extent, I guess. Maybe I need to look that up and find the true definition. Okay I did and if you want to know more here is the link. I do, apparently qualify as a feminist of the Third Wave. But, this is my version of feminism: I believe that women are equal- to each other and to men. I hate chauvinistic, misogynistic remarks and jokes. I hate when my own daughters use terms for parts of their body that were coined by men who consciously or unconsciously (it doesn't matter which)intended those terms to be demeaning to women. Example: "boobs". A "boob" is a stupid, witless person. Hello?
And all other word substitutes for breasts and buttocks imply that we are simply interchangeable body parts for the use and exploitation of men. If believing that we are more than breasts and vaginas makes me a feminist then I'm a card carrying feminist. And, I feel sorry for women who don't get that!

But, if believing that I have to work outside the home to gain respect because rearing children isn't as worthy and valued an occupation as any work-for-pay job is what defines a feminist-I'm out. I once prayed to Heavenly Father telling him I could do so much more (in church and in the community) if I weren't always pregnant or nursing babies. His reply was, "You could do more, but you couldn't do better." I understood. But not everyone is called to have nine children. I understand that, too. It's an individual decision made between three people: the woman, her husband, and Heavenly Father. If you leave Him out of the decision you could be making the mistake of a lifetime.



But, when you make the decision to have children you should take full responsibility for them and not hand them off to some "care-giver" who, quite frankly, doesn't give a damn. I've worked in a day care. I have been a paid babysitter and I have talked to other women who have and, please, believe me, no one-NO ONE- will love your child or really care for them as you do, or will. It's just a job, and an under-paid job at that. They might not abuse them, and hopefully they will be nice to them, but they WILL NOT love them. And, it takes love to raise a child-24 hour a day, seven days of the week love. And, no one will give them that except you. I once heard a woman say, "I brought them into this world, I figure it's my job to show them around." Pretty simple, don't you think? Julie B. Beck said it in a more refined way: "Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty."

So, these are just my opinions and feelings. Does that mean I look down on or condemn a working mother? No. I don't know all her circumstances. I can't read her heart. I'm not living her life. That's why I say, "Live and let live." Most people are doing the best they can with what they've got. Everyone is at a different place dealing with things we'll never know about. I like to think the Golden Rule applies to our thoughts as well as our actions. "Think about others the way you would like to have others think about you." I hope everyone is cutting me some slack, so that's what I try to do, too.

Thanks to my daughter-in-law, Emme, for her post “Slightly Controversial” and to my daughters-in-law, Miriam and Courtney, for their comments. That was a very thought provoking post, Emme.

And, to my own wonderful mother, “You go, girl.” That was a great comment! And, thanks, for being there for me and my brothers. It sure went fast, didn’t it?